I just raced down my stairs to the living room in the pitch black to retrieve my laptop. I was scared shitless. But now I'm here. Ready to rant about these little thoughts in my head that have been keeping me awake for the past two hours.

It's been a strange night. I'm mad, confused, and disappointed in myself. This could just be a series of unfortunate events that led to my sudden discovery or this was meant to happen; either way, I feel like shit. I'm not trying to rant about how I'm not good enough. I know I am good enough, I have it in me. I just have to find the right way to reach my success.

Tonight it dawned on me that the place I called home for the past year may not help me in the future. I have an idea. A brilliant idea that is building in my brain and one day I will be able to pursue it. My possibilities are endless. But sometimes I feel limited by my small private school. I should know by now. I should know what I need to do in order to be who I want to be when I'm grown up (even though I'm already 19 agh!!) I wish I could just blog for the rest of my life about my favorite things, travel around the world with my super hot boyfriend and eventually settle down and start a family in our cute little house on a lake. But sadly, the reality is I'm just another confused college kid who has to make up their mind within the next year. The thought of deciding on a major makes me want to vomit (or run into my room and hide under my duvet with my cuddly cats until the world seems less scary.)

I know I can be successful at this school. It's just a process of finding out the best way to do so. I wish I knew all that I know now when I was looking at colleges. I wish I would've known that playing club field hockey isn't all that I thought it'd be. I wish I would've known that this school can suffocate you, if you let it. I wish I would've forced my parents to let me look at art schools. I wish.. I wish.. I wish.. The list could go on. The truth is, I love it there. I love the friends I have made and the person I have become. It is the perfect fit for me. I have to accept that I'm limited to broad majors such as Communications and Business instead of Creative Advertising, PR, and Marketing. I can make it. I know I can get to the place and person I have been dreaming of. Life wouldn't be life without a few life-changing challenges along the way.

So I sit here. In my messy bed piled with tons of pillows waiting for something-- anything to happen.

My favorite song is blaring in my ears.

"When I was 17, my mother said to me, 'Don't stop imagining,
the day that you do is the day that you die.'"

Ironic lyrics yeah?
My hair is scraped back into a lopsided mess as a result of my constant tugging on the curls. I have come to a state of numbness. I say I can do it. But can I really.. I'm always being the strong, independent one that goes for what she wants. Easier said than done, bitch. Sometimes I hate myself for acting so tough. Blah getting to sentimental now...

I think I'm all ranted out. Sorry if this was super annoying, but sometimes we just need to have a little chat with ourselves. I'll have a much more lively post later this week because I have a new camera!
Something to look forward to for all of us! Happy days.

Lots of Love,
Meg