Sophomore year.

Today is my last day home before I leave for college. As much as I love this town and all the people in it, I need to get out of here. I cannot wait to be back with my smick squad. We know each other better than we know ourselves. Nothing is over-dramatized and everything revolves around food. I have never met a group of people who were so similar to me. These girls are my home away from home and I cannot wait to reconnect with them after this hellish summer.

As much as I say I want to go back to school, pangs of sadness take over my body with each goodbye. Memories of this summer flash through my head every time I think of leaving this place. The comforting bed adorned with my cat snuggled in the covers, the adventures to the lake for a night  getaway, and the runs down Ada drive with the sun beaming down on me as I trot along the winding road.

This summer I learned that no one is as strong as they seem. Not even myself. We ride in the car with the windows down, screaming the lyrics to some song about love. We scream. I would like to say we scream with smiles on our faces and sun in our hair. The truth is, we scream because it makes us feel free. We scream because the real world is a dark and dooming place. We scream because we are numb. We scream because we put on a strong face for too long and eventually we crack. Eventually, we scream. We all just scream.

So here I am. Waiting. Waiting to leave this place and hating myself for it. I love it here, yet I hate it here. The comfort of home is almost too much, making it hard to want to leave. A bittersweet nausea that churns in my stomach every time I think of saying goodbye to my family. Nothing can prepare a girl and her mother when they finally say goodbye to one another. It is and always will be the hardest thing I ever have to do. With a tight throat and watery eyes I say, "I'm fine, I love you." However, she knows. She knows I'm not saying much because I'll cry if I say any more. I'll cry once she's gone and she'll cry on the drive home. And we'll talk for a half hour on the phone later that night about anything to get our minds off the fact that we are no longer together.

So, tomorrow should be interesting to say the least. I hope this post wasn't too morbid. I'm quite excited to move in, but I think some of you can agree with me that leaving home is bittersweet.

The next few posts will most likely be college or dorm related, so look out for those!

Thanks for reading.

Meg